What's Wrong With Telling People You Appreciate Them? ❤️

Back story - I Moved & Misc. Thoughts About My Life Five Months Ago
Knowing You're Gonna Be Gone
Five months ago I moved to a new town. I had known that I was going to move since February. It's a weird thing knowing that you're moving. You also really learn about yourself and other people. You get prepared to say goodbyes, try to make every moment special, and let the promise of new beginnings carry you through those long nights when you are crying about not being able to grow up with the people you've become so close to over the course of the year. Is it better to know that you are leaving for months than to suddenly be told you are moving in a few weeks? I don't know. The pure length of time I knew was torture. You hear other people making plans for next year and you think... I'm not going to be here. But, whenever I'd be having a rough day, I'd repeat the name of my new town in my head over and over again. Marshfield, Marshfield, Marshfield. I'd try to picture all of the things that could happen now that I was the new girl.

Is This Normal? / Misc. Mini Rants            
Just yesterday when I was walking into school, looked at the ugly doors and remembered the first time I saw them. I thought, When did this become normal? When did walking into this building almost become routine? By the time I graduate, will I not even think about walking through these doors every day? I still don't think of going to my current school as normal. There are moments when I see someone and think that they are someone from my old school. Those moments are so painful. I'll walk faster to catch up to them and then I'll realize where I am. The thing is, I really didn't like my old high school at all. My old high school was a patchwork quilt of different additions to the building. The science wing, where my locker was, was depressing. My locker was right next to the taxidermy classroom. To the left of my locker, down the hallway, was the old main office. My old high school had just built a new commons that summer and moved the main office. Every day I'd walk past a faded display case filled with boxes of trophies that were sitting idle until moved to the new trophy cases in the new "corridor" by the field house. One really interesting part of my old high school was that there were beautiful murals painted on the walls of famous paintings. I never really had a favorite, but I'd always watch my reflection in the glass covering them while I walked past. 

Learning About Appreciating What You Have
As my time remaining at my old school dwindled down, I starting becoming more and more aware of how I treated people. For most of the year, I took my friends for granted. I'm not the type of person who stays best friends with the same person for years and years. Only a few of the friends I had in middle school transferred to high school as close friends. Even then, I didn't see them a lot. They took Biology freshman year, they were in Geometry freshman year instead of Algebra 1 and that really affected our schedules. I always felt like they were just plain smarter than me. I wouldn't get to see them a lot, even in middle school. We just wouldn't have classes together but all of them would have classes with each other. But, my old school combined two middle schools and I became close with a lot of people from the other school. I had been thankful for them. I started to realize that I'm not entitled to have friends, I have to really be there for them so that they're there for me. I apologized constantly for things that had happened months before. I didn't cherish a lot of the time we had prior to finding out I was moving because I just thought that we'd have a few more years. I'd ditch them to go hang out with some guy or I'd text a guy I liked back before I'd text them or altogether forget to text my friends. I know that happens to everyone, but I just felt SO BAD about it. The crushes ended and I still had my friends. I also started to realize how amazing the people I went to school with are. I'd just think (before I found out I was moving), oh, that person is friends with this person and does this thing therefore I can't talk to them. Near the end of my time at my old school, I'd start to just talk to whoever I wanted to and tell them what I really felt because in the end, I wouldn't be there the next school year so why not cut the crap and just let people know how awesome they are?

Guys and Dolls
At my new school, things are so different. I think my old friends could still recognize me as the Bailey they knew before. I don't really dress differently though I wear heels a little less. I'd kill my feet going up the stairs last year in five inch heels. The thing is here... I have very little friends that are girls. It's honestly really weird. I'm used to having a pretty good ratio of more girl friends than guy friends. But, I think that guys are more approachable and actually more fun than girls. They don't get stuck on catty things like some girl flirting with someones ex or whatever. My ratio of guy friends to girl friends is probably 3/1. I do have a lot of friends though. Are they all close "I'll tell you all my secrets" friends? No. I am an open book though so if any of them wanted to know anything they'd just have to ask. But, the thing with guys is they're weird with affection. When I say goodbye to someone, the normal thing for me to do is to hug them. I've gotten to a point where I'm comfortable with my friends and I can hug them before I leave like I did at my old school. I like long hugs. I will hug you for twenty minutes if you let me. That's just who I am. I tell my friends that I love them all the time. But guys get weird about it. After starting over and having to make all new friends, I want my new friends to know how much they mean to me. I could very well have no friends right now, but instead I have them. They're just going to have to deal with me saying I love them and giving them hugs all time.

What's Wrong with Telling People That You Appreciate Them?
I might just be a very open person about my feelings but I feel the need to tell my friends all the time how much I love them. I don't see one of my guy friends and think, oh, that'd be weird if I said I love you to them. Everyone deserves to know that I love them. I feel like everyone has a right to know these things about me, especially if it involves them. When I tell my best friend I love him, odd looks are shot my way. Did she really just say that? I thought they were just friends! I can feel their thoughts clouding with questions. But, there's a difference between romantic love and friend love. Each set of love has it's own PDA. Romantic love and friend love are similar, in both situations you say I love you, you hug, lean on each other, and text or talk for hours. As long as it has been clearly defined by both of you what kind of love it is, I think whatever you two end up doing together, even kissing each other on the cheek (scandalous!), is appropriate. In France, a common greeting for friends is la biese which is a kiss or two or three or four on the cheeks. It's a sign of friendship. In America, a kiss is more of a romantic gesture but I think every person has their own Friend Love PDA style. I still don't see what's wrong with letting my best friend know I love him? What's wrong with giving all of my friends, female and male, guys goodbye? I don't think there is anything wrong with that. If I love you, you will be told constantly ❤️


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