Sunrise State of Mind

July 2017
Photos by Katherine Braun
I’m a sunrise person.

Walking outside before the sun rises is like walking into your parents’ bedroom while they are sleeping.  Everything is dark and your world is asleep. Suddenly there’s this shift in the night that goes unnoticed as the sun tiptoes into view.

If you’ve ever walked outside when the sun is almost in the center of the sky, you’ll know the quiet moment I’m talking about. You might hear a car door slam in the distance or a bird singing briefly but for the most part, the world is quiet.

The sun shares this intimate moment with nature every single day.

Despite the effortless beauty of the sunrise, people romanticize sunsets, the rolling credits at the sometimes bittersweet end of the day.

It’s easier to notice the sun descending from the sky, dragging a rainbow of colors behind it, I agree, but to me there’s less beauty and more sadness in endings.

When the sun rises there’s all of this unknown possibility of what they day will bring. When the sun sets things become final. Whatever happened during the time the sun was up is a fact and you can’t change it. It happened. It’s done.

Endings make me uneasy and maybe that’s why I don’t like sunsets.

During my freshman year of high school, I was in the spring play. On closing night, the male lead told the cast to enjoy the final hours together because after strike, things wouldn’t be how they’d been for the past couple months or weeks or days. We would return to our lives as they were before the show started and we would never be as close as we were during the show.

That’s stayed with me.

I like beginnings. I like drawing out every particle of a new beginning and savoring it.

I like the awkward moments at the start of a new friendship where instead of asking “What’s new?” or “How was your day?” you blindly start talking about an idea or memory that sparks a whirlwind conversation.

I like the excitement of starting a new job and being eager to start my shift for the day and meet new customers. Helping people have a good experience at a store or restaurant brings me happiness.

I like walking into a room of new faces and I like the early days of getting to know the people behind those faces. I don’t like the final days of school because I realize that I really enjoy a certain class because of the people in it and I know after it ends things won’t be the same. I will never be in this class with these people at this moment ever again.

There’s something about permanence that makes my heart race. After the end, nothing can be altered and whatever happened is set in stone.

You never really have control over when the end is either. So couple permanence with unpredictability and you’ve got a nasty combination.


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